What Your Job Rejection Letter Really Means

31 Oct
Image by Caro Wallis, shared under a Creative Commons Licence

Image by Caro Wallis, shared under a Creative Commons Licence

Dear Applicant,

[Hello, nameless unemployed person, whose name we can’t be bothered to learn because we’re far too busy having a job and giving back to society.]

Thank you for your application for the role of Meaningless Job Title, with little pay and fewer prospects.

[Well, we have to credit you for something.]

Sorry for the delay in responding to your email.

[Yes, it’s been 8 weeks, but you don’t need to remind us, you impatient cretin, we’ve been busy working. Do you remember what ‘working’ is?]

Unfortunately…

[Surprise, surprise!]

… on this occasion you were unsuccessful.

[You’ll never work here in a million years]

Due to the large number of applications, we are unable to offer feedback.

[It took us 8 weeks to let you know you didn’t get the job, but you’re not getting any feedback because you’re lucky we emailed you to say no in the first place, you filthy rat.]

Thank you for your interest in our organisation

[Our organisation is so awesome. We just had to validate it with that sentence. See what we did there?]

and we wish you well for the future.

[You’re going to need it, jackass.]

Yours sincerely,

[Go fuck yourself!]

Stranger Name

[A person you will never meet or hear from again, because they’re far too busy working.]

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4 Responses to “What Your Job Rejection Letter Really Means”

  1. Owen Garth November 5, 2013 at 2:25 am #

    It’s interesting how society in general, and even your friends and family, turn on you when you become unemployed. Jokingly at first, but eventually serious even though you might have a ways to go before you reach the point of beg, borrow, and steal. Good luck in your efforts and don’t listen to anyone’s crap!

  2. Aaron Lee March 25, 2015 at 1:56 am #

    Words cannot express how real this is, Amy. And Owen’s comment makes me think of Bobby Womack’s ‘Nobody Wants You When You’re Down and Out’.

    • trashtaylor March 30, 2015 at 11:05 pm #

      That is such a great song and so very true to life. Job hunting is hell, but the reactions of others when you’re looking for work make it that much harder.

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