Image by the Smithsonian Institution, used under a Creative Commons Licence
Nothing brings the Bad PRs out of the woodwork like a national celebration, and in the UK, the next big day of celebration is Mother’s Day, which takes place on Sunday, the 30th of March, unlike Mother’s Day in the US, which is in May.
The following PR appeared in my inbox late last week, and it was so bad that I felt I had no other option but to share it. As usual, I have stripped out any identifying information about the client, because it’s not their fault that their PR/media person has written and submitted such a poor PR. [UPDATE: After publishing this piece on Friday, a few people quite rightly argued that this PR could have been influenced by pressure from the client, which is true. I was more than a bit unfair in my original throw away comment about the PR/media person, and I perpetuated a misconception about PR companies. Sorry folks, I’ll be more open-minded next time.]
However, in some ways, I really hope somebody from this company can eventually appreciate that this PR is about as useful as a chocolate teapot to everyone involved.
Anyway, terrible, terrible puns aside, here is the worst PR I’ve received so far this year.
Are you going to give her an “old bag” on Mother’s Day? Or are you going to make her a nice cup of [REDACTED’S] tea? [What? Old bag? Her? Are you calling my mother an old bag?]
At last, an alternative to the messy tea bag ~ [REDACTED]~ [Hold up, did you use two tildes (~) there? That makes no sense, as a tilde means ‘similar to’ or approximately. You need to use a hyphen (-).] the new way to drink a richly flavoured and fragrant cup of Organic [Why the capital O?], Fair Trade [Fair trade, unless you’re talking about The Fairtrade Foundation, in which case it’s two words] tea. [Also, I’ve never had a problem with tea bags, they suit me just fine.]
You remove the [REDACTED] from its water and it does not drip ~ NO MESS. [NO NEED FOR CAPS LOCK, OR A TILDE]
It’s made from triple laminate food grade foil that goes in your recycling bin after use ~ NO WASTE. [I’ll be honest, you’ve lost me, I don’t care.]
Unlike a tea bag it does not require squeezing nor wringing to extract the flavour ~ NO BURNT FINGERS. [Has anyone ever burnt their fingers on a teabag? You can use a spoon to remove the tea bag, you know. Have you been making tea with your hands all this time?]
Also, the [REDACTED] innovative design lets you use it to stir the tea ~ NO NEED FOR A TEASPOON. [But if you had a teaspoon in the first place, then you’d wouldn’t need REDACTED. JUST BUY MORE TEASPOONS, PEOPLE.]
To make a cup of [REDACTED], you simply remove the [REDACTED] from its paper envelope, put it in a cup, add boiling water and gently stir the [REDACTED PRODUCT NAME] for a few minutes. Let it stand for a minute to further infuse, then use the [REDACTED PRODUCT NAME] to stir in your sugar and milk (if required when making english breakfast tea) [You mean English breakfast tea]. It will now be fully infused, so remove the [REDACTED PRODUCT NAME] and tap it once on the edge of the cup to discharge any excess water, then pop it in your waste recycling bin.
Each [REDACTED PRODUCT NAME] is packed at point of origin using premium grade, organic tea leaves, harvested, selected and processed in Sri Lanka (formerly Ceylon) [Sri Lanka hasn’t been known as Ceylon since 1972. It’s called the Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka. What next, will you refer to Iran as Persia?] Fair Trade estates.
Eleven different blends are available, so there is a blend of tea to suit all tea lovers! [Praise be to tea.]
black teas: ~ english breakfast, earl grey and apple cinnamon [English breakfast tea. It has a capital E. While we’re at it, there should be a capital B at the start of this sentence.]
red teas: ~ jasmine lotus, strawberry and vanilla peach [Capital letter at the start of a sentence, please.]
green teas: ~ ginger, lemon grass and peppermint [Capital letter.]
herbal infusions: ~ fruit “goji” berry (caffeine free) and herbs n’ honey (caffeine free) [Oh, I give up.]
To obtain a 15% discount, use discount code MOTHER at [REDACTED]. [Nope]
Or click on this link: [Link removed, sucker]
[REDACTED PRODUCT NAME] can be found at several tea and coffee shops and are also being served at hotels, spas, restaurants, hair salons and beauticians. 32 piece packs of [REDACTED] and 3 sizes of Mahogany boxes (an office/ bar box, a restaurant/hotel box and a boardroom/hospitality box) full of assorted flavours, can be purchased from selected retail outlets or on-line, [Online is one word. ONE WORD.] from [REDACTED].
Thank you for taking the time to read this and please do not hesitate to contact me for more info or samples. [Nope. Oh, you’ve subscribed me to your email subscription service! I have just unsubscribed.]
Infuse your Passion! [I’ll infuse your head, mate.]
PR Numpty. [Yes, they did put a full stop after their own name, bless.]
What They Did Right:
- Nothing, absolutely nothing
What They Did Wrong:
- This is not a press release, as it doesn’t contain any news, the tone is highly promotional
- If you just want to promote something, and have your words published verbatim, then don’t write a press release, BUY AN ADD.
- Poor angle – “Mother’s Day? Oh, mums like tea, let’s push our client’s tea product. Hooray!”
- No introduction or hello
- Fairtrade/Fair Trade
- English breakfast tea
- On-line is not a word
- SUDDENLY, TILDES, EVERYWHERE
- Let’s be honest, this is a really boring email
- General errors – no capital letter at the start of a sentence, etc
- Referring to Sri Lanka as Ceylon – I think this was to use up words and try to look clever
- Adding me to their mailing list
- Emailing me in the first place
The Taylor Trash 
This was literally an email ad for no-squeezie spoon bags, as I’m calling them. I like how they take the time to tell you how to make a cup of tea, which I assume in the UK is learned about the same time as the alphabet.